01 September 2009

Brushing off the cobwebs

Wow. April 14th? That's a long time. It's not that I have nothing to say, it really isn't. Just ask my husband, I have plenty to say. It's just that life gets in the way. Spring and summer flew by, in a blur of finals, end of the year parties and field day, day camps, baseball games, the zoo, the pool, and a quick trip to upstate New York for a family reunion.

What are we doing now? I'm on a break from school till the end of September and reading the Twilight saga, the short people just started back to school and are getting in the swing of things, the husband is off work for awhile because of having shoulder surgery and we have a new resident, my stepdaughter L. She's working nights and saving money. Pretty boring and normal stuff.

So today, we're going to visit the husband of a dear friend of our family, who is in the process of dying. It makes me more uncomfortable than I can say to go and sit face to face with that reality because I just don't know what to say. You can't ask someone who is dying, "How ya doing?" Hospice comes over every day and the family minister was there last night....you know the time is drawing near. And I don't know what to say, how to act. But I can't not go. It would be so much easier to say, we're so busy we just don't have time to swing by this afternoon, and send a card or some flowers. But what they really need is love and support and human contact. J needs to know that people love him and care what is going on, and R needs to know to people will still be there for her when he is not. Would I want people to run from us in a time of need? So, as awkward and speechless and helpless as I feel, we will go put our arms around R and J and tell them that we love them. It's isn't nearly enough but it's all we've got.

In other news, I'm training for a half marathon that is in three weeks. I'm nervous but excited. Running has really become a part of who I am. The idea of running a full marathon keeps crossing my mind....but I'm afraid of doing a full. 26.2 miles is a lot of dang miles. What I find harder than the physical part is the mental aspect of continuing to run for 2+ hours. Oh sure, I take walk breaks and I stop at water stations or to use the restroom occasionally. But for the vast majority of the time, I'm running. What to think about, what to do with my mind so it doesn't talk my body into quitting? Maybe next school year when the youngest dude is in all day school, I could train for a full. It's very time consuming, training for a race.

I'm getting close to the end of school. This year and then one more academic year till graduation. In my world, that means it's just about over. Then I just have to figure out what I am going to do with the degree. Use it to go to more school? Get a job? In this economy? With a history degree? Mmm-hmm. Three years ago when I really started to take this college thing seriously, life looked a lot different, and I had a different goal in mind. Isn't it funny how quickly things change?

Thinking about life after school is really kind of odd...I've just done school for so long, and it would feel strange to not have that looming just out of reach anymore. I need to have some goal that I am working toward and school has been it for so long. What will it be? Kind of exciting and kind of scary at the same time.