25 May 2008


I hate math. I can understand how it's useful and all, but I don't get it and I hate it. I am going to be lucky to pass this quarter.

I hate math. That is all.

24 May 2008

Memorial Day

It is Memorial Day weekend, and everyone asks, "What are your plans? Having some people over or going to a barbecue?"

We're going to a friend-of-a-friend's house for a barbecue and to listen to my friend's husband's band play, at least for a little while. The spousal unit is away till tomorrow morning and it gets tough taking all three of them out by myself, especially to an outdoor party. They all run off in different directions, but it's a kid friendly event so I am hoping to run into other people that I know, with kids that my kids can play with, so I can relax a little and have a beer. Or two.

Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, the "official" beginning of garage sale season, and the end of the school year. Which are all good things to celebrate, yes? I guess it depends on how you feel about garage sales....I have a love hate relationship with them. It's like eBay in person. I have found some great things for a steal, but at the same time, it feels a little like trolling in the trash. I digress; I do that a lot.

I have to admit that it does make me a little sad to see how few American flags I see flying. There really aren't that many most of the time, but especially on Memorial Day, Flag Day, and 4th of July, it makes me a little sad that people don't fly flags. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to say that ours is not up right now, because we have the kind that you screw into a post on the front porch, and the bracket broke. But as soon as the new bracket arrives, it will go back up.

Last night at Scouts, I gave a little mini-lecture to my kid and his friend, but I know some of the other boys were listening...I could see them watching, and I hope that it did not fall on deaf ears. At the end of the pack meeting, the scouts retire the flag while everyone salutes, and my kid and his buddy were horsing around, chasing the boy who was carrying the flag and generally being dorks. So I told him that I didn't like to see them goofing around with the flag and that it was very disrespectful to the flag. I just said that they needed to behave with respect when they were handling the flag and to show it courtesy, and I mentioned all their family members that were in the military at that moment....between the two of them, there were a lot. I asked them if they knew what the flag stood for and they had a hard time coming up with an answer, any answer.

So I helped them out a little and told them: it stands for our country, and everything about our country. The good and the bad, because there is both. It stands for freedom. It stands for opportunity and it stands for sacrifice. It stands for people who willingly leave their families, their own safety and security to fight and shed blood to defend our right to live in a country that gives so much to its people, and asks so little in return. It stands for people who would rather die trying, than to settle for less than. People who want a better life for those who come after them, and get up and do something about it. No, America isn't perfect, and we have made big mistakes. But there isn't anywhere I'd rather call my home, to live and raise my family.

OK, so maybe I didn't make that big of a speech to a bunch of eight-year-olds who don't get it yet. Not all of it, anyway. But it is how I feel, and what I want to think about, and reflect on this weekend.

So we'll go to our party tonight, and grill hot dogs and hamburgers, and listen to a band play while the kids get eaten up with mosquito bites. Well, maybe not, it's pretty chilly here still. And we'll go to church tomorrow and thank God for all the blessings we have. I will also thank those who came before, who gave their lives so that you and I could live and raise our families, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

14 May 2008


I feel better about the events of the weekend. I don't know if it is a character flaw, a mom thing, a woman thing, who knows why but when I've been offended (and not in the way you might get offended by an dirty joke...not that I get offended by them, but some people do...but I mean getting really wounded) I feel this need to just stew over it for a ridiculously long time.

I cannot stand for people to think badly of me. Let me rephrase that, because I know that there are people who do. I cannot stand KNOWING that someone thinks badly of me. It makes me want to turn myself inside out to make them like me. Which, yes, I know, is ridiculous and juvenile and, well, human.

So, I stewed for a couple of days, and dropped a lot of money in a matter of less than an hour, thanks to the magic of Internet shopping, hoping to make myself feel better. The shopping didn't help me feel better, but now all the stuff has started rolling in, and getting packages from the UPS guy always makes me happy :)

What did make me feel better is the knowledge (it's always there, but sometimes hard to remember where I put it last time) that that person's issues are not about me, they belong to that person. NOTHING I could ever do would change the way they see me. I will never convince that person that I am not the anti-Christ, that I am a decent person deserving of respect and at the very least civility.

And I think the thing that bothered me the most about it is this: you don't have to speak every thought that you have. Think whatever kinds of evil thoughts you wish, but have the manners, the decency, the class to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Turn the filter on. I absolutely despise bad manners, rudeness, thoughtlessness, inconsideration. Whatever you call it, I cannot tolerate it. I'll never change her mind about me, but she will not change anything either by continuing to be rude and inconsiderate, except making herself look rude and inconsiderate.

There is a very good reason for the old saw, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Or, better yet, 'Silence is golden."

11 May 2008


do I allow other people enough power in my life to make me feel bad? It's one of those unanswerable questions. If you read the self-help crap in books or magazines, they all say that other people can only make you feel as bad as you let them. YOU give them the power, and YOU can stop it anytime you like.

Well, that is a bunch of hooey. If you give a crap at all about other people, then they have the power to make you feel bad. And I guess I'd rather be a person, with a heart, that gives a crap, even if it means getting hurt on a semi-regular basis. But, it still sucks.

I spent some time yesterday in the presence of someone that I know does not care for me, nor do I care much for this person. And yet, every now and again, we must be in each other's presence because there are a couple of people that we both love, and don't want to miss the important things in their lives.

I felt like crap all afternoon and evening, and I still feel bad today. I dropped several hundred dollars in a retail therapy spree that did not make me feel better. I knew it wouldn't really help but I did it anyway, because I could. Griping and bitching about it doesn't help either....not in the sense that griping and bitching will change the situation. Probably nothing will change it. I am who I am, and that other person is who they are and we will always have to interact at least occasionally.

But I sure wish it would get easier to deal with. I am not a bad person and I get tired of being made to feel that I am not worth even saying hello to. Like I don't even exist. I think I'd probably rather be cursed at than ignored.

Oh, waaaah, poor me. I think I'm done with my pity party.