15 October 2008

Letting go

It's hard to let go.

After much hemming and hawing, and hoping for a different outcome, I have come to the decision (or maybe I have just seen that the decision is already made for me) that I have to let go of what I thought were two good friendships. I've written about this situation here before, but like a high school girl with her first heartbreak, I kept looking for crumbs of hope. I saw a returned email as evidence that the friendship didn't have to be over.

But, alas, I got my heart broken in high school, and in the end, I had to let go. Just as I have to now. I am really going to miss her. I already do. We haven't spoken in person since July, and I last got an email from her a month or so ago. In the email she was chatty, almost sounding like normal. I responded to that email and never heard back. I sent one a week or so ago, and nothing. The other good friendship that I seem to have lost, is with this girl's sister. The three of us were friends and I don't know if it is collateral damage but the sister isn't talking to me either.

I've been debating about whether to cut one last tie, a group that they invited me to join. I think I am going to bow out. There is nothing to be gained from forcing myself where I am not wanted, and making everyone else in the group uncomfortable too. I can only hope that the acquaintances I've made through them won't fall by the wayside too.

I've done what I can do repair the friendship but I have no control over her response, or lack thereof.

I"m just really sad about it.

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