18 January 2010

Blue Monday

I read on my friend Martin's Facebook page that today is supposedly called "Blue Monday." I don't think I've ever heard of this, except in a song lyric, but it sure seems to fit. According the wisdom of Facebook surfers, it's called Blue Monday, because the holidays are over, most of the New Year's resolution are broken (see?! THIS is why I don't make them! HATE feeling like a failure!) and some stuff like that, that I don't remember. Just facing the rest of winter with nothing else to look forward to.

I'm not blue because the holidays are over. I don't think so. I'm not blue because of broken resolutions. Remember? I don't make resolutions.

But still....I'm blue. And I'm not sure why. I've been feeling a major funk for several days now, and I can't put my finger on the cause. The spousal unit is home, so it's not that I'm missing him or feeling overly stressed with kid duties. The kids are perfectly normal, it's not them. I had a break from school today (thank you Martin Luther King, Jr! For a lot more than a day off but that's another story for another day) so I don't think it's school. A big milestone birthday is coming up this year but not for a long time. That can't be it.

I think I have a deadline this week but I haven't heard from my editor despite sending a couple of emails, so.....not quite sure how to handle that. I'll submit the story and hope for the best, I guess.

I guess maybe it is just the rest of winter with not much to look forward to. I'm tired of school in general, and not feeling excited and motivated about it, which I usually am. I'm just tired of working at things, and not feeling like I have a dang thing to show for it.

Lessons in patience and perseverance. I am forever praying for patience. Well, I've found that when I do that, God usually gives me opportunities to practice being patient, and hone those skills. That wasn't quite what I was hoping for, but you know, it's like I tell my kids, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Maybe I'm not praying for the right thing...maybe I need to pray for a new outlook, a new attitude. I mean, really, when I count my blessings, there are a lot of them. A lot.

So I'll have a glass of wine, and slog through a few more chapters of Machiavelli for my history class. I've stuck it out this long, what's four and a half more quarters?

Oh, and my laptop died tonight. Just went black. Hoping the Geek Squad can wave a magic wand and make it all better.

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