to try so hard to have a relationship with someone who so obviously does not want to have one.
I've been trying very hard to have a relationship with someone....trying to be there and be helpful....trying to do the right thing.....trying to just be a friend to a particular person. Who clearly does not want it.
I've kept trying because I thought it was the right thing to do, for myself, for that person and for other people in my life. I've kept trying because that is what you do when you love someone. You never regret trying, but you might very well regret it if you don't.
But I think I'm at the point where I have to acknowledge that this person is a grown-up capable of making their own decisions, and they choose....not me. That really hurts.
But saying it out loud, really getting it, is a relief, in a way. Kind of like ripping the band-aid off. I don't know what else I could possibly have done to make things work, and now I'm going to....stop trying. The door will always be open, but they're going to have to come knocking.
You know why I keep banging my head against a brick wall? Because it feels good when I stop.