Disarray

Although you wouldn't necessarily gather this about me by looking around my house, I don't like clutter and mess.  I like things to generally be in their place and semi-straightened up.  I have a family that includes three boys and one husband; I know my house is never going to look like something out of a magazine (unless maybe there is a print version of Hoarders, but I digress...) and I don't really want it to.  But I do like things to be generally in order.

This week has been a tough one, because we're in transition.  We're moving out old furniture and moving new stuff in.  So. Half of the old set, which has found a new home with a good friend, is still in my garage.  We started loading it into a truck and then...the skies opened and out poured enough rain to fill Lake Michigan.  Well, maybe not quite that much, but honestly, it's been raining here for weeks.  So, the rest of that set sits in the garage until the friends and the husband can both be here at the same time to load and move. 

This also means that there is no furniture in the bedroom.  As in, sleeping on the floor.  Amid piles of clothes.  Since there is, of course, no bed and no dressers in there.  I have slept in worse conditions, that is true.  And I had some cushy comforters and blankies to make a reasonably comfortable nest out of.  It wasn't that bad, and it was only two nights. 

As I am typing this, two strapping young men are upstairs putting together the new bedroom set and I can hardly wait to start putting things back to rights.  Clothes in dressers, knick-knacks back on shelves.  I can hear the power tools buzzing right this very minute, and it really makes me happy.  It's not something I can do, build furniture, but it sure makes me happy that others can.  It will make the mess in my house go away, at least temporarily.

Just like in my bedroom, clutter and mess in my life make me grumpy too.  There has been some more family drama as of late, and I am only indirectly involved.  It directly affects people that I love, and there is very little I can do about that either.  I can provide emotional support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and maybe offer some insight or advice.  But I can't fix what's wrong.  And I can't stop the tears from flowing, and the pain from crashing in.

And just like these guys that are fixing the disarray in my room, there is a silver lining in all these clouds that will bring light into the darkness that has been hanging over my family for several weeks now.

That's the thing....I have to learn to live with the temporary disarray and messiness, in order to get to the order and (relative) neatness that makes me feel better.  And I have to let my people suffer the pain and wander in the dark, so that they can find that silver lining.  If it was light all the time, they'd never see that one sparkly place.

And man, is it a good silver lining.

I really dislike clutter and mess, darkness and pain.  But I have learned that it is a necessary step on the way to a happy and peaceful place.

Now I'm going upstairs to put my clothes away and make my new bed :)