I think I'm just about done feeling sorry for myself over the hopefully-not-permanently-broken-but-damaged-nonetheless relationship I was talking about a few days ago. I guess I just needed to get it all out, and now I'm pretty much feeling even-keeled, and "c'est la vie" and even kind of grown-up about it. This poor girl has a lot of issues that have nothing to do with me and while I can support her and pray for her and leave the door open and the light on for her, she is really the only one who can choose to knock. So I feel content in the knowledge that I have done everything I can, and the rest is up to....not me. The potential loss of the relationship is still sad, but it's not something I control. Let go and let God.
Back to my regularly scheduled, school-age-boy, not-enough-time-in-the-day, my-husband-is-gone-again-driven chaos.
Today was a day about keeping things in perspective. I was feeling kind of frazzled and rushed most of the day, because as usual, I had tried to cram too many things into too short a time period. I had a meeting at work at the somewhat local military base (45 minute drive, one way). Then Curly had a birthday party to go to this afternoon, for which I had neglected to buy a gift. Then pick up Moe and Larry at school, get their homework done and hustle them to a friend's house who was kind enough to watch them for me while I went to school. Oh yeah....read two chapters of one book and nine of another, and write a coherent paper. Which I of course had had plenty of time to do, but kept putting off.
I sent the hubster to the store to get a pink and princess-y gift for the birthday girl....he's so good at that! He picked out the perfect thing and was (rightfully) very pleased with himself. I went to my meeting and flew by the seat of my pants for the rest of the day, getting the paper written and the chapters at least skimmed. I really should have finished college when the boys were younger. Or when the last one goes off to all-day school. Or some other, more convenient time.
While I was at my meeting with my friend and co-worker Chris, I was whining just a little bit about how hectic my weekend had been and how hectic the week was going to be with Hubster gone from last Thursday till Wednesday night. Wah. Poor me. A a total of seven days, with one of those nights spent at home (he came home Sunday and left again on Monday). Chris told me about his flying schedule for March, which includes sixteen days straight, away from home.
Hmm. Well. 7 days isn't sounding so bad.
There are times that his schedule...well, it just sucks. No other way to put it. And as the dudes are getting older and into more stuff, it gets harder to get them all to their activities when it's just me. But there are loads of other times when his schedule rocks. Like when he gets to go in Curly's preschool class and be the "parent reader" for the week. Or when he gets up and puts my coffee on, and starts getting the dudes moving so I can sleep in for an extra half-hour (OK, an extra hour). Or when he picks up Curly from school mid-day and takes him out for a Daddy and little dude lunch and playdate, partly because he wants to and partly because I need a quiet house to write an article or a paper for school. When he works, he goes away for a few days at a time. But when he's off, he's home and no one from the office is calling, and he doesn't bring any work home, ever. It's a little crazy but it's ours.
In any case, I've hit my mental reset button, and I've got a fresh perspective on my troubled relationship, on M's crazy work schedule, and life is good.
Got to remember to count those blessings. As I was walking through the most frustrating parts of my day, I thanked God for them, because having frustrating moments is better than having no moments, and I repeated to myself "attitude of gratitude." So maybe a few times, it was through gritted teeth, since I gave up yelling for Lent, but it's progress. I must have looked like a crazy woman, walking through the parking garage at school talking to myself, but I felt better.
22 February 2010
12 February 2010
It hurts
to try so hard to have a relationship with someone who so obviously does not want to have one.
I've been trying very hard to have a relationship with someone....trying to be there and be helpful....trying to do the right thing.....trying to just be a friend to a particular person. Who clearly does not want it.
I've kept trying because I thought it was the right thing to do, for myself, for that person and for other people in my life. I've kept trying because that is what you do when you love someone. You never regret trying, but you might very well regret it if you don't.
But I think I'm at the point where I have to acknowledge that this person is a grown-up capable of making their own decisions, and they choose....not me. That really hurts.
But saying it out loud, really getting it, is a relief, in a way. Kind of like ripping the band-aid off. I don't know what else I could possibly have done to make things work, and now I'm going to....stop trying. The door will always be open, but they're going to have to come knocking.
You know why I keep banging my head against a brick wall? Because it feels good when I stop.
I've been trying very hard to have a relationship with someone....trying to be there and be helpful....trying to do the right thing.....trying to just be a friend to a particular person. Who clearly does not want it.
I've kept trying because I thought it was the right thing to do, for myself, for that person and for other people in my life. I've kept trying because that is what you do when you love someone. You never regret trying, but you might very well regret it if you don't.
But I think I'm at the point where I have to acknowledge that this person is a grown-up capable of making their own decisions, and they choose....not me. That really hurts.
But saying it out loud, really getting it, is a relief, in a way. Kind of like ripping the band-aid off. I don't know what else I could possibly have done to make things work, and now I'm going to....stop trying. The door will always be open, but they're going to have to come knocking.
You know why I keep banging my head against a brick wall? Because it feels good when I stop.
10 February 2010
He never ceases to amaze me
Funny thing how God works.
Our furnace went out sometime during the night. I didn't notice, not right away, because I have flannel sheets that I was wrapped up in. Last night I noticed a faint burny smell in the bedroom, but Matt deduced that he had replaced the light bulb in the ceiling fan fixture with the wrong bulb, turned it off and the smell went away. Mystery solved.
This morning, he came in to get the space heater, as I was waking up. He said, "The furnace is out." I said, "WHAT?" He said, "The furnace is out." I said, "WHAT?" We did this a couple more times. I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly. The furnace CAN'T go out; we're in the middle of a big storm. Surely the furnace is not that cruel.
But the AirTron rescue guy was already on his way. Long story short, the blower motor crashed. Big time. Hard broke. To the tune of $900. (please, feel free to click the ads on the sidebar).
Here's the funny part. The oldest offspring, who is away at Army Officer Candidate School, called and said that the quickie Vegas wedding he's been planning (there is a whole story there....there is going to be a proper wedding later, after the deployment neither of them is willing go through unmarried) is turning into a circus, with too many people, so they were thinking of having it just be the two of them, rather than a group of family that keeps growing and growing. We had been planning on going, all of us. Tickets were going be expensive but I wouldn't miss even the quickie wedding before the real wedding for the world. When he called, he said, "You know, maybe the wedding should just be me and the girl. I hate to say it but maybe it's best if everyone just waits till the big wedding later on."
Funny how we saved about $1500 on airline tickets just before we needed to spend $900 on the furnace.
Just sayin.
Our furnace went out sometime during the night. I didn't notice, not right away, because I have flannel sheets that I was wrapped up in. Last night I noticed a faint burny smell in the bedroom, but Matt deduced that he had replaced the light bulb in the ceiling fan fixture with the wrong bulb, turned it off and the smell went away. Mystery solved.
This morning, he came in to get the space heater, as I was waking up. He said, "The furnace is out." I said, "WHAT?" He said, "The furnace is out." I said, "WHAT?" We did this a couple more times. I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly. The furnace CAN'T go out; we're in the middle of a big storm. Surely the furnace is not that cruel.
But the AirTron rescue guy was already on his way. Long story short, the blower motor crashed. Big time. Hard broke. To the tune of $900. (please, feel free to click the ads on the sidebar).
Here's the funny part. The oldest offspring, who is away at Army Officer Candidate School, called and said that the quickie Vegas wedding he's been planning (there is a whole story there....there is going to be a proper wedding later, after the deployment neither of them is willing go through unmarried) is turning into a circus, with too many people, so they were thinking of having it just be the two of them, rather than a group of family that keeps growing and growing. We had been planning on going, all of us. Tickets were going be expensive but I wouldn't miss even the quickie wedding before the real wedding for the world. When he called, he said, "You know, maybe the wedding should just be me and the girl. I hate to say it but maybe it's best if everyone just waits till the big wedding later on."
Funny how we saved about $1500 on airline tickets just before we needed to spend $900 on the furnace.
Just sayin.
09 February 2010
I think I'm glad....
to be back from my vacation. I went with my very good friend on a cruise last week. Not just any cruise, but the K-LOVE Friends and Family cruise.
If you don't know, K-LOVE is a radio station that plays contemporary Christian music. Sounds remarkably like pop or rock music, only with a Christian message. They have this cruise every year, and invite several bands to play on the ship. So, the cruise is basically a floating week-long concert. We went to Coco Cay, Royal Caribbean's private island, and Nassau. Wonderful, relaxing trip. Good company, great music, met some new friends, and a great surprise....I love the show The Biggest Loser. Sean Algaier, from Season 8, was on the boat too, and he led sunrise workouts every day. I HATE getting up early. But I did, just to work out with him. Plus it just felt good to work out. Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio (who is about one of the best speakers I've ever heard), the (new) Newsboys, Tenth Avenue North, MercyMe, Downhere, 33 Miles, Fireflight, Big Daddy Weave.....man, it just rocked.
So, a successful vacation. Sun, sand, music, sleep.
And snow. We came home to snow. Lots of it.
But on the upside, they offered a "liberal reschedule" for UTA. I was supposed to get in Friday night and then go to work Saturday morning, which would have been brutal, but a small price to pay. Nice bonus that I could reschedule my drill weekend, with no repercussions. Woot!
This week has mostly been about the snow. Monday was a pretty normal day, but today was a snow day, and tomorrow has already been called. We don't have it nearly as bad as they do further east, we don't have feet and feet of snow, but we've got enough. Moe, Larry and Curly were thrilled to get to have a Wii tournament today (we have a rule about video games on school days)and Larry and Curly spent most of the afternoon outside "helping" Dad fix the snow blower. Till they were frozen. And still got mad when it was time to come in.
So....what to do tomorrow? Guess we'll do more of the same. I'm really starting to notice the difference when they'd rather play and hang out with their friends than hang out with me. I guess I thought I'd have a little more time before that became my reality. I know they still like hanging out with Mom and Dad, but I was really looking forward to just doing stuff together today....playing video games, watching a movie in a pile on the family room floor, reading, stuff like that. But the doorbell rang in the late morning, and Larry's friend came over, and that was that.
I was so glad to get home. I loved my trip...I am usually juggling a fair amount of things, between the kids and their school/activities, my school and work, and just life in general. It's not that I never get time to myself or the opportunity to do something for myself, but I really miss traveling sometimes. And even when I'm "supposed" to be taking it easy at home, there is always something that captures my attention, that I feel like I should be doing (like folding laundry) so that it makes it harder to completely detach, at home. That's one of my things with my darling husband....sometimes I'm insanely jealous of how he gets to pack a suitcase several times each month and just take off. I used to do that. Before the kids, of course. And I don't think I'd want to do it as much as he does, anymore. But just once in a while, I want to. Just go away for a couple days.
So, yeah, loved the trip. Loved calling him, and saying, "Oh I just checked into my hotel room....ooohhhh, yeah, it's a nice room, look at that view!" Even though the view was a half-empty parking lot. It was just nice to have a turn at that. But getting back....was so much sweeter than being away. There really is nothing like the pure and unvarnished adoration of a child. A kid who flings himself at you, full-bore, screaming at the top of his lungs, "MOM! I MISSED YOU! I"M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!"
Not much can top that. In fact, I can't think of a single thing. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing so much more, with my time, with my life. And when I look at my kids, I wonder, what else could I possibly do that would mean more? Really?
Now, if I could just find some way to make the laundry disappear.....
If you don't know, K-LOVE is a radio station that plays contemporary Christian music. Sounds remarkably like pop or rock music, only with a Christian message. They have this cruise every year, and invite several bands to play on the ship. So, the cruise is basically a floating week-long concert. We went to Coco Cay, Royal Caribbean's private island, and Nassau. Wonderful, relaxing trip. Good company, great music, met some new friends, and a great surprise....I love the show The Biggest Loser. Sean Algaier, from Season 8, was on the boat too, and he led sunrise workouts every day. I HATE getting up early. But I did, just to work out with him. Plus it just felt good to work out. Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio (who is about one of the best speakers I've ever heard), the (new) Newsboys, Tenth Avenue North, MercyMe, Downhere, 33 Miles, Fireflight, Big Daddy Weave.....man, it just rocked.
So, a successful vacation. Sun, sand, music, sleep.
And snow. We came home to snow. Lots of it.
But on the upside, they offered a "liberal reschedule" for UTA. I was supposed to get in Friday night and then go to work Saturday morning, which would have been brutal, but a small price to pay. Nice bonus that I could reschedule my drill weekend, with no repercussions. Woot!
This week has mostly been about the snow. Monday was a pretty normal day, but today was a snow day, and tomorrow has already been called. We don't have it nearly as bad as they do further east, we don't have feet and feet of snow, but we've got enough. Moe, Larry and Curly were thrilled to get to have a Wii tournament today (we have a rule about video games on school days)and Larry and Curly spent most of the afternoon outside "helping" Dad fix the snow blower. Till they were frozen. And still got mad when it was time to come in.
So....what to do tomorrow? Guess we'll do more of the same. I'm really starting to notice the difference when they'd rather play and hang out with their friends than hang out with me. I guess I thought I'd have a little more time before that became my reality. I know they still like hanging out with Mom and Dad, but I was really looking forward to just doing stuff together today....playing video games, watching a movie in a pile on the family room floor, reading, stuff like that. But the doorbell rang in the late morning, and Larry's friend came over, and that was that.
I was so glad to get home. I loved my trip...I am usually juggling a fair amount of things, between the kids and their school/activities, my school and work, and just life in general. It's not that I never get time to myself or the opportunity to do something for myself, but I really miss traveling sometimes. And even when I'm "supposed" to be taking it easy at home, there is always something that captures my attention, that I feel like I should be doing (like folding laundry) so that it makes it harder to completely detach, at home. That's one of my things with my darling husband....sometimes I'm insanely jealous of how he gets to pack a suitcase several times each month and just take off. I used to do that. Before the kids, of course. And I don't think I'd want to do it as much as he does, anymore. But just once in a while, I want to. Just go away for a couple days.
So, yeah, loved the trip. Loved calling him, and saying, "Oh I just checked into my hotel room....ooohhhh, yeah, it's a nice room, look at that view!" Even though the view was a half-empty parking lot. It was just nice to have a turn at that. But getting back....was so much sweeter than being away. There really is nothing like the pure and unvarnished adoration of a child. A kid who flings himself at you, full-bore, screaming at the top of his lungs, "MOM! I MISSED YOU! I"M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!"
Not much can top that. In fact, I can't think of a single thing. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing so much more, with my time, with my life. And when I look at my kids, I wonder, what else could I possibly do that would mean more? Really?
Now, if I could just find some way to make the laundry disappear.....
28 January 2010
It's been a rough day
And it's only 12:30. I've got the whole rest of it to go.
Started out bad when kids again dragged their feet til Screaming Mom rose to the surface. I dig the whole ScreamFree thing, but some days it just ain't happening around here. They piddle around and drag their feet until we have to leave in 10 minutes and then it's an EMERGENCY. But MOM! I haven't eaten breakfast! I'm not DRESSED!
Um, yeah. I noticed that.
But these are not kids who are getting ready for their first day of school, and maybe they're not familiar with the routine yet.
No sooner did I get home from dropping all the kids, dressed and fed, off at school, than the older boys' school called and the oldest dude had thrown up. Can I please come get him?
So off I go, in the middle of a conversation with a really good friend, who I called for a verbal hug. In addition to the lateness issue, there has been some other drama going on round here this week, in relation to the adult child who has been living with us. 'Nother story for another day. Suffice it to say, I was feeling really crappy this morning. Bad parent, bad person, deserving of all that is evil in this world. But her verbal hug was just what I needed.
He and I sit on the couch and watch cartoons for a while, and he is sick a couple more times. The dog needs to go out, so I put her on her tie-out in the backyard, thinking she could use a little play time and the ground is frozen (so I thought) so she wont' be too dirty from digging. When it's time to pick up the little dude from school, I leave Moe on the couch under a warm blanket and go get the dog.
Covered. In. Frozen. Mud.
How did she DO that? Never mind, it doesn't matter, because the end result is still that I need to clean her up. Ugh.
Tie her in the garage, go and get the little guy. Must run warm water in the tub so she can be readmitted to the interior of the house. Walk in the door to run bath, and Moe is hunched over the garbage can in the family room, getting sick again and crying, "Thank God you're back Mom!"
Dog acts as though bath is Chinese water torture and glares at me with death in her eyes the whole bath. Tries to jump out three or four times. Finally stare her down and get her to cooperate, and Moe comes upstairs naked from the waist down, his stomach bug having moved in a different direction, that the poor child was unprepared for. I tell him to toss his dirty clothes into the laundry room and try to get him in the shower. Which he hates. Give up and settle for bullying the dog.
Dry dog off, get her to see things from my point of view, and go back downstairs. Now must find and fix lunch for Curly, who is not sick to his stomach. Then, do the pile of laundry that has magically appeared, find time to work out and get the endorphin rush that will make all of this go away, and do homework so that I can relax and enjoy my vacation next week.
Why do these things happen the day that Dad leaves?
On the bright side, I did get a new laptop this week. My last one died suddenly and my wonderful tech geek husband found a great price on a groovy MacBook. I think the Apple/Mac transition is complete.
I hate to admit it but
I'm an Apple geek.
Shh. Don't tell anyone.
Started out bad when kids again dragged their feet til Screaming Mom rose to the surface. I dig the whole ScreamFree thing, but some days it just ain't happening around here. They piddle around and drag their feet until we have to leave in 10 minutes and then it's an EMERGENCY. But MOM! I haven't eaten breakfast! I'm not DRESSED!
Um, yeah. I noticed that.
But these are not kids who are getting ready for their first day of school, and maybe they're not familiar with the routine yet.
No sooner did I get home from dropping all the kids, dressed and fed, off at school, than the older boys' school called and the oldest dude had thrown up. Can I please come get him?
So off I go, in the middle of a conversation with a really good friend, who I called for a verbal hug. In addition to the lateness issue, there has been some other drama going on round here this week, in relation to the adult child who has been living with us. 'Nother story for another day. Suffice it to say, I was feeling really crappy this morning. Bad parent, bad person, deserving of all that is evil in this world. But her verbal hug was just what I needed.
He and I sit on the couch and watch cartoons for a while, and he is sick a couple more times. The dog needs to go out, so I put her on her tie-out in the backyard, thinking she could use a little play time and the ground is frozen (so I thought) so she wont' be too dirty from digging. When it's time to pick up the little dude from school, I leave Moe on the couch under a warm blanket and go get the dog.
Covered. In. Frozen. Mud.
How did she DO that? Never mind, it doesn't matter, because the end result is still that I need to clean her up. Ugh.
Tie her in the garage, go and get the little guy. Must run warm water in the tub so she can be readmitted to the interior of the house. Walk in the door to run bath, and Moe is hunched over the garbage can in the family room, getting sick again and crying, "Thank God you're back Mom!"
Dog acts as though bath is Chinese water torture and glares at me with death in her eyes the whole bath. Tries to jump out three or four times. Finally stare her down and get her to cooperate, and Moe comes upstairs naked from the waist down, his stomach bug having moved in a different direction, that the poor child was unprepared for. I tell him to toss his dirty clothes into the laundry room and try to get him in the shower. Which he hates. Give up and settle for bullying the dog.
Dry dog off, get her to see things from my point of view, and go back downstairs. Now must find and fix lunch for Curly, who is not sick to his stomach. Then, do the pile of laundry that has magically appeared, find time to work out and get the endorphin rush that will make all of this go away, and do homework so that I can relax and enjoy my vacation next week.
Why do these things happen the day that Dad leaves?
On the bright side, I did get a new laptop this week. My last one died suddenly and my wonderful tech geek husband found a great price on a groovy MacBook. I think the Apple/Mac transition is complete.
I hate to admit it but
I'm an Apple geek.
Shh. Don't tell anyone.
25 January 2010
I miss
Having a best best friend. Like in junior high. Someone you could call 14 times in one day and they wouldn't get tired of you. OK, maybe not 14 times every day.
But still.
Oh, I have tons of acquaintances. People that, if I call them or see them at church or school, seem genuinely pleased to hear from me or see me. But our phone is not exactly ringing off the hook here at home. We're not turning back s flood of invitations.
And I'm just feeling sorry for myself today, for some reason. I'm a social person, I like to be busy doing things, seeing people, out and about. And that hasn't been happening much lately and it's bothering me. For some reason.
Anyway.
On another note, I had drill this past weekend and I heard something that has really given me something to think about. I thought I knew where I was going with this history degree, and that I loved my job in the reserve as a historian. I do love what I do, in theory at least. I love history and I love the task of documenting things and writing things down so that people will know what we did, what we accomplished. That is so important!
But at the same time, it sure doesn't feel like anyone gives a crap about my work. Unless the history is late...then when the commander and the MAJCOM is breathing down our necks, yeah. But otherwise, no one seems to care all that much. And, I am in a position to never get promoted again.
The way manning works in my unit, there is one historian authorized in my office. That would be Cathy. And she'd have to leave and vacate the position for me to slide into it and be promotable. It's a MSgt slot and she's a SMSgt while I am a lowly TSgt. I get it. But I'm what is called an overage, and as such, I'm an extra person. Extra people should quit complaining and be glad they have a job. It can be pulled out from under you at any time. In theory, anyway. There have been people in overage slots for years and years and they never get pulled. But, it could happen. Extra people also can't get promoted. Even if they deserve it. I get that about being an overage. I've pissed and moaned about it often enough, I get it. If I love what I do, it shouldn't matter to me about what rank I hold. Right?
Except that it does.
So anyway, at Commanders' Call yesterday, the recruiters got up to give a presentation, and I would never have thought of myself as recruiter material, and maybe I'm not, but there are some really good things about it: it's an AGR tour (basically, it's active duty) for 4 years (a FULL-TIME job!), there's a position that covers the area where I live so I could possibly work right here in town, AND the best part....I could do four years, retire at the end of those four years, and get an active duty retirement. That's huge. I would start collecting my retirement immediately instead of waiting until I'm 60.
I've got a call in to the guy here in town to find out more.
Why is that stripe all of a sudden so important to me? Why am I allowing that stripe to define the character of my service, the worth of my almost 20 years in uniform? I don't know, but it sure feels like it matters a lot right now.
But still.
Oh, I have tons of acquaintances. People that, if I call them or see them at church or school, seem genuinely pleased to hear from me or see me. But our phone is not exactly ringing off the hook here at home. We're not turning back s flood of invitations.
And I'm just feeling sorry for myself today, for some reason. I'm a social person, I like to be busy doing things, seeing people, out and about. And that hasn't been happening much lately and it's bothering me. For some reason.
Anyway.
On another note, I had drill this past weekend and I heard something that has really given me something to think about. I thought I knew where I was going with this history degree, and that I loved my job in the reserve as a historian. I do love what I do, in theory at least. I love history and I love the task of documenting things and writing things down so that people will know what we did, what we accomplished. That is so important!
But at the same time, it sure doesn't feel like anyone gives a crap about my work. Unless the history is late...then when the commander and the MAJCOM is breathing down our necks, yeah. But otherwise, no one seems to care all that much. And, I am in a position to never get promoted again.
The way manning works in my unit, there is one historian authorized in my office. That would be Cathy. And she'd have to leave and vacate the position for me to slide into it and be promotable. It's a MSgt slot and she's a SMSgt while I am a lowly TSgt. I get it. But I'm what is called an overage, and as such, I'm an extra person. Extra people should quit complaining and be glad they have a job. It can be pulled out from under you at any time. In theory, anyway. There have been people in overage slots for years and years and they never get pulled. But, it could happen. Extra people also can't get promoted. Even if they deserve it. I get that about being an overage. I've pissed and moaned about it often enough, I get it. If I love what I do, it shouldn't matter to me about what rank I hold. Right?
Except that it does.
So anyway, at Commanders' Call yesterday, the recruiters got up to give a presentation, and I would never have thought of myself as recruiter material, and maybe I'm not, but there are some really good things about it: it's an AGR tour (basically, it's active duty) for 4 years (a FULL-TIME job!), there's a position that covers the area where I live so I could possibly work right here in town, AND the best part....I could do four years, retire at the end of those four years, and get an active duty retirement. That's huge. I would start collecting my retirement immediately instead of waiting until I'm 60.
I've got a call in to the guy here in town to find out more.
Why is that stripe all of a sudden so important to me? Why am I allowing that stripe to define the character of my service, the worth of my almost 20 years in uniform? I don't know, but it sure feels like it matters a lot right now.
20 January 2010
Good news
I'm happy and relieved that Scott Brown won in Massachusetts last night. No one, but no one could have predicted this a month ago.
In the news, all the pundits and analysts are saying that it's a referendum on Barack Obama, and his administration, or a referendum on health care. I'm not so sure.
In my humble opinion, I don't think it's so much about President Obama (although I'm sure there's a segment of the voters who would disagree and say that it was very much about him) but overall, I think people are sick and tired of the president telling them how it's going to be, and not letting them express their opinions. People were sick of George Bush shoving his foreign policy down our throats whether we liked it or not, and now people are tired of Barack Obama doing that very same thing. He has said over and over, in many different ways, that come hell or high water, there WILL be a health care bill passed. Nancy Pelosi has said the same thing. Weren't they listening last summer, when all the representatives and senators came home and held all those town hall meetings? People don't want reform like this.
And before anyone gets their dander up and assumes that I am some heartless, soulless pig of a Republican who wants to see people die for lack of health care, let me disabuse you of that notion. It's not that I object to health care. I object to the way they're going about it. First of all, health care in and of itself IS NOT A RIGHT. Let me be clear.
IT.IS.NOT.A.RIGHT.
It is a commodity, which you can choose to purchase, or not. Now, I will agree that ACCESS to that commodity should be equal. I can get onboard with that. Everyone ought to be able to buy good, reasonably priced health care insurance for themselves and their families. Beyond that, get the government the hell out of my health care decision. Don't force me to buy it, or limit my options.
If politicians are serious about real health care reform, they need to have an open discussion about tort reform. Gajillion dollar settlements for hangnails are a huge part of how we got to this place, where premiums are astronomically high. Yes, I'm exaggerating to make a point. But hear me out. An honest mistake by your doctor should not entitle you to a million-dollar payout. When mistakes are made, and they will be, everyone runs straight to the lawyer. In some cases, I can see this...if the mistake that the doctor makes is serious enough to create more health problems that will cost more money, then absolutely, reparations have to be made. A patient can't be expected to suck up the costs incurred by a doctor's mistake.
HOWEVER, comma, not every mistake rises to that level. I read a story about a woman who won a multi million dollar payout from an insurance company, because her doctor misdiagnosed her with breast cancer. She chose to have both of her breasts removed as a preventive measure. Then they discovered that the doctor was wrong, so she sued him for millions, and won. Tell me how having $73 million dollars makes up for that mistake. Really? The doctor (or the insurance company) can pay for reconstructive surgery, sure. But what purpose does it serve to bankrupt him? And what about the fallout, that affects others? Like making premiums go sky high. Now everyone has to pay for that award. And it's like a ripple effect...a couple of crazy-high awards like that, and the company has to raise premiums to stay in business.
My OBGYN told me, when I was preparing to download my third, that he was considering quitting delivering babies, because he just couldn't afford malpractice insurance. His malpractice premiums went up 300% in one year. He also told me that an OBGYN can be sued anytime until the child is 18, and that OBGYNs can expect to be sued an average of three times during his/her career, whether the suit is warranted or not. Even if the suit is frivolous, it still costs money to settle it and make it go away. Where do you think the money comes from? Not to mention, if a doctor gets sued, it makes people leery of going to him....they think he's not a good doctor.
Another thing they'd bring up if they were serious about reform is allowing consumers to shop and buy insurance across state lines. Let the companies compete for business, and costs will go down. That's simple Econ 101.
Another thing I object to, is lifting the restrictions on using federal money to fund abortions for poor women. And if there were to be a public health care option that covered abortion, we'd all pay for them. I object to that with all of my being. Abortion is legal in this country. OK. But if that is your choice, YOU pay for it. I don't want any part of anyone's abortion, not paying for it, not supporting it, not encouraging or advocating it.
The health care debacle has enough problems to keep Congress busy for years. You're not going to please all of the people, all of the time. THAT, my friends, is what Scott Brown's victory last night is all about. A bunch of people who are NOT PLEASED. And when they decide to get together and do something about it, look out, Washington. Stop being so arrogant as to assume you know what's best. Listen to the people, your constituents...you know, the people you WORK FOR. The people who HIRED YOU to do a job. That old line made famous by moms everywhere...I brought you into this world, I can take you right back out, holds true here.
It will be very interesting indeed to see how things will play out in Washington now that the Democrats have lost their trump card, the filibuster-proof majority. Now you're going to have to play nice with the Republicans. You can't just ram legislation through, without consulting or considering the other half of the country.
ahem. I'll be putting my soapbox away now.
In the news, all the pundits and analysts are saying that it's a referendum on Barack Obama, and his administration, or a referendum on health care. I'm not so sure.
In my humble opinion, I don't think it's so much about President Obama (although I'm sure there's a segment of the voters who would disagree and say that it was very much about him) but overall, I think people are sick and tired of the president telling them how it's going to be, and not letting them express their opinions. People were sick of George Bush shoving his foreign policy down our throats whether we liked it or not, and now people are tired of Barack Obama doing that very same thing. He has said over and over, in many different ways, that come hell or high water, there WILL be a health care bill passed. Nancy Pelosi has said the same thing. Weren't they listening last summer, when all the representatives and senators came home and held all those town hall meetings? People don't want reform like this.
And before anyone gets their dander up and assumes that I am some heartless, soulless pig of a Republican who wants to see people die for lack of health care, let me disabuse you of that notion. It's not that I object to health care. I object to the way they're going about it. First of all, health care in and of itself IS NOT A RIGHT. Let me be clear.
IT.IS.NOT.A.RIGHT.
It is a commodity, which you can choose to purchase, or not. Now, I will agree that ACCESS to that commodity should be equal. I can get onboard with that. Everyone ought to be able to buy good, reasonably priced health care insurance for themselves and their families. Beyond that, get the government the hell out of my health care decision. Don't force me to buy it, or limit my options.
If politicians are serious about real health care reform, they need to have an open discussion about tort reform. Gajillion dollar settlements for hangnails are a huge part of how we got to this place, where premiums are astronomically high. Yes, I'm exaggerating to make a point. But hear me out. An honest mistake by your doctor should not entitle you to a million-dollar payout. When mistakes are made, and they will be, everyone runs straight to the lawyer. In some cases, I can see this...if the mistake that the doctor makes is serious enough to create more health problems that will cost more money, then absolutely, reparations have to be made. A patient can't be expected to suck up the costs incurred by a doctor's mistake.
HOWEVER, comma, not every mistake rises to that level. I read a story about a woman who won a multi million dollar payout from an insurance company, because her doctor misdiagnosed her with breast cancer. She chose to have both of her breasts removed as a preventive measure. Then they discovered that the doctor was wrong, so she sued him for millions, and won. Tell me how having $73 million dollars makes up for that mistake. Really? The doctor (or the insurance company) can pay for reconstructive surgery, sure. But what purpose does it serve to bankrupt him? And what about the fallout, that affects others? Like making premiums go sky high. Now everyone has to pay for that award. And it's like a ripple effect...a couple of crazy-high awards like that, and the company has to raise premiums to stay in business.
My OBGYN told me, when I was preparing to download my third, that he was considering quitting delivering babies, because he just couldn't afford malpractice insurance. His malpractice premiums went up 300% in one year. He also told me that an OBGYN can be sued anytime until the child is 18, and that OBGYNs can expect to be sued an average of three times during his/her career, whether the suit is warranted or not. Even if the suit is frivolous, it still costs money to settle it and make it go away. Where do you think the money comes from? Not to mention, if a doctor gets sued, it makes people leery of going to him....they think he's not a good doctor.
Another thing they'd bring up if they were serious about reform is allowing consumers to shop and buy insurance across state lines. Let the companies compete for business, and costs will go down. That's simple Econ 101.
Another thing I object to, is lifting the restrictions on using federal money to fund abortions for poor women. And if there were to be a public health care option that covered abortion, we'd all pay for them. I object to that with all of my being. Abortion is legal in this country. OK. But if that is your choice, YOU pay for it. I don't want any part of anyone's abortion, not paying for it, not supporting it, not encouraging or advocating it.
The health care debacle has enough problems to keep Congress busy for years. You're not going to please all of the people, all of the time. THAT, my friends, is what Scott Brown's victory last night is all about. A bunch of people who are NOT PLEASED. And when they decide to get together and do something about it, look out, Washington. Stop being so arrogant as to assume you know what's best. Listen to the people, your constituents...you know, the people you WORK FOR. The people who HIRED YOU to do a job. That old line made famous by moms everywhere...I brought you into this world, I can take you right back out, holds true here.
It will be very interesting indeed to see how things will play out in Washington now that the Democrats have lost their trump card, the filibuster-proof majority. Now you're going to have to play nice with the Republicans. You can't just ram legislation through, without consulting or considering the other half of the country.
ahem. I'll be putting my soapbox away now.
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