Why....

do I allow other people enough power in my life to make me feel bad? It's one of those unanswerable questions. If you read the self-help crap in books or magazines, they all say that other people can only make you feel as bad as you let them. YOU give them the power, and YOU can stop it anytime you like.

Well, that is a bunch of hooey. If you give a crap at all about other people, then they have the power to make you feel bad. And I guess I'd rather be a person, with a heart, that gives a crap, even if it means getting hurt on a semi-regular basis. But, it still sucks.

I spent some time yesterday in the presence of someone that I know does not care for me, nor do I care much for this person. And yet, every now and again, we must be in each other's presence because there are a couple of people that we both love, and don't want to miss the important things in their lives.

I felt like crap all afternoon and evening, and I still feel bad today. I dropped several hundred dollars in a retail therapy spree that did not make me feel better. I knew it wouldn't really help but I did it anyway, because I could. Griping and bitching about it doesn't help either....not in the sense that griping and bitching will change the situation. Probably nothing will change it. I am who I am, and that other person is who they are and we will always have to interact at least occasionally.

But I sure wish it would get easier to deal with. I am not a bad person and I get tired of being made to feel that I am not worth even saying hello to. Like I don't even exist. I think I'd probably rather be cursed at than ignored.

Oh, waaaah, poor me. I think I'm done with my pity party.