14 May 2008


I feel better about the events of the weekend. I don't know if it is a character flaw, a mom thing, a woman thing, who knows why but when I've been offended (and not in the way you might get offended by an dirty joke...not that I get offended by them, but some people do...but I mean getting really wounded) I feel this need to just stew over it for a ridiculously long time.

I cannot stand for people to think badly of me. Let me rephrase that, because I know that there are people who do. I cannot stand KNOWING that someone thinks badly of me. It makes me want to turn myself inside out to make them like me. Which, yes, I know, is ridiculous and juvenile and, well, human.

So, I stewed for a couple of days, and dropped a lot of money in a matter of less than an hour, thanks to the magic of Internet shopping, hoping to make myself feel better. The shopping didn't help me feel better, but now all the stuff has started rolling in, and getting packages from the UPS guy always makes me happy :)

What did make me feel better is the knowledge (it's always there, but sometimes hard to remember where I put it last time) that that person's issues are not about me, they belong to that person. NOTHING I could ever do would change the way they see me. I will never convince that person that I am not the anti-Christ, that I am a decent person deserving of respect and at the very least civility.

And I think the thing that bothered me the most about it is this: you don't have to speak every thought that you have. Think whatever kinds of evil thoughts you wish, but have the manners, the decency, the class to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Turn the filter on. I absolutely despise bad manners, rudeness, thoughtlessness, inconsideration. Whatever you call it, I cannot tolerate it. I'll never change her mind about me, but she will not change anything either by continuing to be rude and inconsiderate, except making herself look rude and inconsiderate.

There is a very good reason for the old saw, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Or, better yet, 'Silence is golden."

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