but I'm thinking about it a lot. I really miss flying. I've toyed off and on with the idea of going back to flying quite a lot over the last almost 10 years, since I flew my last mission as a C141C loadmaster. There are more reasons, good ones, not to do it, than there are to do it.
But still. I miss it. It was fun and exciting. Yeah, frustrating too. And it was easy for me to be away from home for a week or more at a time. No kids, no school, nothing to worry about. Life looks a lot different these days, and if I were to go back, assuming I could even get a load slot in the squadron, it would be hard. I'd have to be away for four months straight for training, then I'd be on active duty and at the mercy of my scheduler and the airplane for another year. C5's don't exactly have a good reliability rate and 4 day trips often turn into 12 day trips, waiting on parts and maintenance.
How would we handle me traveling again? The hub's job pays way better and he needs to be able to count on me being home when he goes to work. Unless we had a live-in nanny, it would just never work. Plus....as much as I miss flying, I don't really think I could be away from the fam for four months without some serious heartburn. If I was mobilized and ordered to active duty involuntarily that would be one thing. But to choose it...I don't know. I want to have a job/career that is meaningful and fulfilling, don't get me wrong. I'm just not willing to do it at the expense of my family. There is more than one way to have a meaningful career. I want to be there for my kids and not miss track meets and baseball games, and teacher conferences and all those things. And frankly, I think they need me here too.
I really do like what I do now. The big drawback is the lack of promotion potential. There is none. Zero. And I do want to get promoted someday. It's time. It will happen eventually, but my co-HO will have to leave/retire and I don't want her to go. I adore her and we make a good team, both as friends and professionally. When she leaves the office I will get the stripe. You gotta take the good with bad, I guess.
Just getting all nostalgic, I think. I left flying before I got all grumpy and bitter about it, so I always remember it through my rose colored glasses. I have conveniently forgotten what a pain it could be at times, how much I hated certain aspects of the job. But when I go back and read my journals from those days, it wasn't always sunshine and butterflies. Things really do happen for a reason, and sometimes, it just wasn't meant to be. Home is where I am supposed to be. While I miss flying and always will, I'm good with being home.
01 April 2009
30 March 2009
The sun is shining...
on my street! It looks like spring outside. So the spousal unit and I took advantage of it and hit the bricks for about 2.5 miles today. It was chilly to start and he didn't think he was going to be able to go very far, but he surprised me (and himself!) He said that if he had been alone, he wouldn't have gone as far, but he didn't want me to think he was a total skirt. His words.
In any case, it was a gorgeous day for it and it felt great to get out and run.
School starts again tonight and I'm looking forward to it. I just really needed a break from thinking and worrying about school for a few days, and now I'm ready to start a new quarter. New class, new professor. I've gotten over my disappointment (for the most part) that I did the math wrong adding up my credits and I won't be graduating in a year like I thought, but there are worse fates in life. So I don't feel too bad about taking it easy this quarter and next, only one class per quarter. I'll get back at it in the fall and take more but I am ready to take it easy for awhile. I'm getting closer to graduating and I'm not totally taking the quarter off, so it's all good.
Nothing much exciting or interesting to talk about, just life. Oh, a funny thing happened today. Middle man-cub's homework got lost yesterday afternoon and he was quite upset this morning when we couldn't find it. We promised to bring it to school when it turned up. I asked one my favorite saints for a little help, and St Anthony (patron saint of lost things) came through like he always does. After our run today, the husband and I were trying to figure out what could have happened to the homework. Coming up the driveway, and seeing the empty garbage cans gave me a thought and I checked the recycle bin....they hadn't come to pick it up yet. Sure enough, in between sections of the Sunday paper was his bright blue "homework" folder with the assignment tucked inside. Thanks, St A!
I guess that about covers it for today. Not much going on in suburbia today, but I do have to give a quick shout out to my beloved UNC TAR HEELS who rocked the house last night, even though Yahoo is making fun of one of them for a bad dunk attempt. They're going to take it all this year, I just know it.
In any case, it was a gorgeous day for it and it felt great to get out and run.
School starts again tonight and I'm looking forward to it. I just really needed a break from thinking and worrying about school for a few days, and now I'm ready to start a new quarter. New class, new professor. I've gotten over my disappointment (for the most part) that I did the math wrong adding up my credits and I won't be graduating in a year like I thought, but there are worse fates in life. So I don't feel too bad about taking it easy this quarter and next, only one class per quarter. I'll get back at it in the fall and take more but I am ready to take it easy for awhile. I'm getting closer to graduating and I'm not totally taking the quarter off, so it's all good.
Nothing much exciting or interesting to talk about, just life. Oh, a funny thing happened today. Middle man-cub's homework got lost yesterday afternoon and he was quite upset this morning when we couldn't find it. We promised to bring it to school when it turned up. I asked one my favorite saints for a little help, and St Anthony (patron saint of lost things) came through like he always does. After our run today, the husband and I were trying to figure out what could have happened to the homework. Coming up the driveway, and seeing the empty garbage cans gave me a thought and I checked the recycle bin....they hadn't come to pick it up yet. Sure enough, in between sections of the Sunday paper was his bright blue "homework" folder with the assignment tucked inside. Thanks, St A!
I guess that about covers it for today. Not much going on in suburbia today, but I do have to give a quick shout out to my beloved UNC TAR HEELS who rocked the house last night, even though Yahoo is making fun of one of them for a bad dunk attempt. They're going to take it all this year, I just know it.
23 March 2009
I'm still alive...
and still hanging on the last of this damnable cough. It's gone beyond all semblance of reasonable. But it's almost gone, finally. The worst thing is, I feel like I always need to clear my throat.
I've been incommunicado for quite a while now. But some good things going on here...winter quarter is over, YAY! I'm on spring break, and waiting for grades to come out. I think I did pretty well in history, but literature is really a crapshoot. I worked hard on my final paper and I feel like I did what I was supposed to do. Is it "A" work? I don't know, I think it's pretty close, but I also thought my other work in the class was pretty good, but sadly the instructor disagreed. So, I'll just have to wait a few more days to find out. I did get into the online lit class for summer I wanted, which will complete my English requirement for graduation. Next school year, I will have to suck it up and take three classes each quarter but then I. WILL. BE. DONE. FINISHED. GRADUATED. Could it really be???
UC approved a program that allows outside training, such as military training, to be used for college credit, and I got a TRUCKLOAD of hours toward my degree from my military transcripts. In fact, I have more hours than I need to graduate! But they're not all applicable to the things I still need to complete like foreign language. But still, one more year, and that's it. That is so exciting that I can't really think about it.
In other news, I finally got some closure, if that is the right phrase, on a situation I had with a couple of people I thought were my friends. I pissed and moaned about it here awhile back. I bumped into one of them at the Y, on the track. I was walking with my headphones in, listening to music. The most I'd have done was say hi. She was walking on the track with her nose buried in a book, making a HUGE point of ignoring me. Now, I ask you, who goes to the gym, to walk on the track while READING A BOOK? This pissed me off beyond all reason. For the love of God, don't be such a baby, just say what you've got to say.
Knowing that these two girls are not ones for grown-up conversation (meaning they'd rather ignore you and cut off an entire friendship than just be honest and have the uncomfortable conversation) and phone calls would be ignored and then not returned, I used the only means of communication that I knew they'd see. I emailed both of them and said that I had tried to be patient and had spent the better part of the last several months hurt and confused, wondering what I had done to deserve being cut off so rudely and lacking any input from either of them, I had come to the conclusion that I didn't deserve it. I said that it hurt me and made me sad that they'd both rather write off a friendship than to just be honest and be a grown up, and have the uncomfortable conversation, but that I obviously couldn't control that.
Well, they both wrote me back rather quickly and let me know that I did indeed do things that they didn't like. I was told that my negativity literally sucked the life out of A, and that all we had in common was shopping and enjoying playing with makeup. Wow, could she think of me as any shallower? And J had thought the only thing we had in common was the fact that our kids were friends, but once our kids were not in the same class, that our "friendship" had just sort of drifted away. Both of these lame excuses are, not to put too fine a point on things, BULL. SHIT. Granted, when I was close with A, I was going through what was arguably one of the two worst times of my life. And maybe I didn't handle everything the way she thought I should. But if I'd known that was the parameter of the friendship, I might have done a whole lot of things differently. J is just full of it....we were friends after our kids weren't in the same class at school, for a couple of years.
What I have taken away from it, is that I am longer hurt and upset about the loss of these two supposed friends. Their responses tell me that this whole thing was more about them than it was about me. Neither of them was willing to be upfront about what they were thinking and feeling, so instead they both just blew me off. Yeah, they're related, they're sisters, which is why I keep referring to them as a unit. I never thought of them like that until they started acting exactly the same. In fact, A used to talk smack to me about J quite a bit, and was pretty harsh about her, but now all of a sudden they are super close and I am "attacking" their family? Whatever. Neither of them appears to have any traits of a mature grown woman, and neither of them can be trusted as far as they can be thrown. Lesson learned the hard way. I'm still upset but it's now about the way they treated me in ending the friendship rather than being upset that the friendship is over.
The oldest offspring is beginning to worry me again....a med issue. He is very limited in the types and dosages of meds he can take, he just can't tolerate a lot of them. But he's become habituated to the one he can take, and he seems to be slipping into some unacceptable behaviors. I don't want to be yelling and scolding and correcting all the time, but how he is behaving is not ok. He's going to be 9 this weekend, and it's early still but I'm wondering if he's beginning to deal with some hormones that are making him get a little more attitude-y. He just seems to be incapable of getting himself under control, and behaving appropriately. Or at least, his ability to do that is umm, intermittent. Today was kind of a bad day so maybe it's just one day. Here's hoping tomorrow is better.
I'm training for a 10K in May, and I plan to register for a half-marathon in September and a 10-mile race in October. Running is still my refuge, a place where I can go where it's just me and my legs and my lungs. Pushing myself to see how far I can go. I get away from everything and everyone when it's time for a run, and it's about the only time I can be alone with myself. I'm not trying to fix anything or anyone, I'm not worrying about money or school or the kids or my marriage, I'm just pickin' 'em up and puttin' 'em down. It's kinda cool.
I've been incommunicado for quite a while now. But some good things going on here...winter quarter is over, YAY! I'm on spring break, and waiting for grades to come out. I think I did pretty well in history, but literature is really a crapshoot. I worked hard on my final paper and I feel like I did what I was supposed to do. Is it "A" work? I don't know, I think it's pretty close, but I also thought my other work in the class was pretty good, but sadly the instructor disagreed. So, I'll just have to wait a few more days to find out. I did get into the online lit class for summer I wanted, which will complete my English requirement for graduation. Next school year, I will have to suck it up and take three classes each quarter but then I. WILL. BE. DONE. FINISHED. GRADUATED. Could it really be???
UC approved a program that allows outside training, such as military training, to be used for college credit, and I got a TRUCKLOAD of hours toward my degree from my military transcripts. In fact, I have more hours than I need to graduate! But they're not all applicable to the things I still need to complete like foreign language. But still, one more year, and that's it. That is so exciting that I can't really think about it.
In other news, I finally got some closure, if that is the right phrase, on a situation I had with a couple of people I thought were my friends. I pissed and moaned about it here awhile back. I bumped into one of them at the Y, on the track. I was walking with my headphones in, listening to music. The most I'd have done was say hi. She was walking on the track with her nose buried in a book, making a HUGE point of ignoring me. Now, I ask you, who goes to the gym, to walk on the track while READING A BOOK? This pissed me off beyond all reason. For the love of God, don't be such a baby, just say what you've got to say.
Knowing that these two girls are not ones for grown-up conversation (meaning they'd rather ignore you and cut off an entire friendship than just be honest and have the uncomfortable conversation) and phone calls would be ignored and then not returned, I used the only means of communication that I knew they'd see. I emailed both of them and said that I had tried to be patient and had spent the better part of the last several months hurt and confused, wondering what I had done to deserve being cut off so rudely and lacking any input from either of them, I had come to the conclusion that I didn't deserve it. I said that it hurt me and made me sad that they'd both rather write off a friendship than to just be honest and be a grown up, and have the uncomfortable conversation, but that I obviously couldn't control that.
Well, they both wrote me back rather quickly and let me know that I did indeed do things that they didn't like. I was told that my negativity literally sucked the life out of A, and that all we had in common was shopping and enjoying playing with makeup. Wow, could she think of me as any shallower? And J had thought the only thing we had in common was the fact that our kids were friends, but once our kids were not in the same class, that our "friendship" had just sort of drifted away. Both of these lame excuses are, not to put too fine a point on things, BULL. SHIT. Granted, when I was close with A, I was going through what was arguably one of the two worst times of my life. And maybe I didn't handle everything the way she thought I should. But if I'd known that was the parameter of the friendship, I might have done a whole lot of things differently. J is just full of it....we were friends after our kids weren't in the same class at school, for a couple of years.
What I have taken away from it, is that I am longer hurt and upset about the loss of these two supposed friends. Their responses tell me that this whole thing was more about them than it was about me. Neither of them was willing to be upfront about what they were thinking and feeling, so instead they both just blew me off. Yeah, they're related, they're sisters, which is why I keep referring to them as a unit. I never thought of them like that until they started acting exactly the same. In fact, A used to talk smack to me about J quite a bit, and was pretty harsh about her, but now all of a sudden they are super close and I am "attacking" their family? Whatever. Neither of them appears to have any traits of a mature grown woman, and neither of them can be trusted as far as they can be thrown. Lesson learned the hard way. I'm still upset but it's now about the way they treated me in ending the friendship rather than being upset that the friendship is over.
The oldest offspring is beginning to worry me again....a med issue. He is very limited in the types and dosages of meds he can take, he just can't tolerate a lot of them. But he's become habituated to the one he can take, and he seems to be slipping into some unacceptable behaviors. I don't want to be yelling and scolding and correcting all the time, but how he is behaving is not ok. He's going to be 9 this weekend, and it's early still but I'm wondering if he's beginning to deal with some hormones that are making him get a little more attitude-y. He just seems to be incapable of getting himself under control, and behaving appropriately. Or at least, his ability to do that is umm, intermittent. Today was kind of a bad day so maybe it's just one day. Here's hoping tomorrow is better.
I'm training for a 10K in May, and I plan to register for a half-marathon in September and a 10-mile race in October. Running is still my refuge, a place where I can go where it's just me and my legs and my lungs. Pushing myself to see how far I can go. I get away from everything and everyone when it's time for a run, and it's about the only time I can be alone with myself. I'm not trying to fix anything or anyone, I'm not worrying about money or school or the kids or my marriage, I'm just pickin' 'em up and puttin' 'em down. It's kinda cool.
15 February 2009
The bubonic plague
is what it feels like here. Ugh. I've been sick for about a month now, and the offspring are all varying degrees of sick. I have bronchitis, which I have my suspicions may have morphed into pneumonia or something else, but the chest xrays did not agree. I've been coughing my head off, and gasping for air and struggling to breathe each time I cough. The oldest offspring was diagnosed last week with pneumonia and his flu culture came back positive. The middle offspring has had a fever above 103 for the last couple days although today seems better, and the littlest one also has a high fever, with today being better than the last couple of days. But strangely, today the little guy has a really weird rash on his cheeks...it almost looks sort of measles-ish. It's red and spotty, but not bumpy or raised. His fever is down but he's got the rash. Hmmm. WebMD is a dangerous thing, and I don't think I'll go looking for info, because I usually come away thinking we all have massive brain aneurysms or terminal cancer.
So, we're slowly recovering. I can't wait for spring and better weather, although it's been mild around here lately, very not winter-like. In spite of that, I am still very much wanting to hibernate. I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I'm ok with letting the spawn watch too much TV or play too much Wii, as long as they do it quietly, in the other room. Tired and unmotivated, that's me.
This quarter in school is interesting though...I am taking a literature class that is focused on family. Funny, I guess I thought it would be focused on books. Now to be fair, we are reading a lot, but the discussions and the writing we are doing is all about family. After our first class meeting I called my spousal unit on my way home from school and told him that I thought perhaps I had made a mistake. I thought I was taking a literature class, but in actuality, it was a group therapy session. And generally the discussions in class piss me off. I am very much in a minority there, because I'm about 20 years older than everyone else, including the instructor it seems, and I'm not in favor of abortion as a method of birth control, or problem solving or fighting poverty. Yeah, I know! How'd we get THERE in a literature class?! My thoughts exactly. We got to talking about OctoMom one night and being a whacked out neo con, I put in a vote for personal responsibility. Why should California taxpayers be handed a bill for her desire to have litters of children? Have all the children you want....but they are YOUR children, YOU take care of them. And somehow this discussion turned to abortion: if taxpayers are going to foot the bill (or at least contribute) for her in vitro procedures, should they also be asked to pay for abortions? I could not shut up and I was appalled that people think abortion is a perfectly fine way to solve the problem of not wanting to be pregnant. And that taxpayers should be ok with paying for abortions, since if a poor woman can't afford an abortion, how is she going to afford to care for a child? It's ultimately cheaper to the taxpayer to cover the abortion than to cover welfare/assistance for the baby. WHAT THE HELL kind of logic is that? And HOW THE HELL is this related to literature? And then one girl in the class said something about "those really religious people" who oppose abortion and I about came undone. Does having faith negate my credibility? So if I go to church and practice my faith, that means I'm just some fringe kook with nothing worthwhile to say? OMG. I remember believing differently when I was 20 than I do now, and much of what I thought then was stupid. But holy crap. This is our future? These are the future leaders of this country? Oy vey. And it isn't just the abortion thing, I listen to them talk and it seems clear to me that they just don't know much about the way the world works. They are so young and so...me me me. They shout down anyone who disagrees with them, and cannot or will not consider that any other viewpoint MIGHT have some validity. That drives me nuts.
The following week I refused to open my mouth even once. I could tell that the professor was getting irritated with me and just wanted me to shut up....every time I said something, he blew it off and moved on as quickly as he could, and he made me wait till last to speak, every time I had a comment. I don't like this class at all.
I have senioritis SO. BAD. I cannot adequately express how very much I want to be finished with school. But I was talking to a friend of mine last night and she was encouraging me to reconsider going to law school. She's an attorney and she offered to do anything she could to help me get into law school and said she'd help me out. I wrote off law school a long time ago, and found a new pursuit, but now....I'm just thinking. We were also at the bottom of a couple of bottles of wine, at least, but I'm sure that doesn't have anything to do with anything.
And my favorite professor has nominated me for an award at school! That was a great surprise, put a big smile on my face and made me feel really good. I will find out in April if I am among the finalists.
I guess that about catches me up. I've been sick, in school, and hanging out with the husband and the kids. The husband has been on call all of January, and all of February, and just today got called out for the first time in six weeks. Neither of us was unhappy that he went out today, and he'll be back in a couple of days. It was time for him to go out. Maybe it sounds bad but when you are used to your partner being gone for a few days on a regular basis, and then he's home for six weeks in a row, well, there is such a thing as spending TOO much time together. Now I have to get my sick and tired butt and get some stuff done around here!
So, we're slowly recovering. I can't wait for spring and better weather, although it's been mild around here lately, very not winter-like. In spite of that, I am still very much wanting to hibernate. I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I'm ok with letting the spawn watch too much TV or play too much Wii, as long as they do it quietly, in the other room. Tired and unmotivated, that's me.
This quarter in school is interesting though...I am taking a literature class that is focused on family. Funny, I guess I thought it would be focused on books. Now to be fair, we are reading a lot, but the discussions and the writing we are doing is all about family. After our first class meeting I called my spousal unit on my way home from school and told him that I thought perhaps I had made a mistake. I thought I was taking a literature class, but in actuality, it was a group therapy session. And generally the discussions in class piss me off. I am very much in a minority there, because I'm about 20 years older than everyone else, including the instructor it seems, and I'm not in favor of abortion as a method of birth control, or problem solving or fighting poverty. Yeah, I know! How'd we get THERE in a literature class?! My thoughts exactly. We got to talking about OctoMom one night and being a whacked out neo con, I put in a vote for personal responsibility. Why should California taxpayers be handed a bill for her desire to have litters of children? Have all the children you want....but they are YOUR children, YOU take care of them. And somehow this discussion turned to abortion: if taxpayers are going to foot the bill (or at least contribute) for her in vitro procedures, should they also be asked to pay for abortions? I could not shut up and I was appalled that people think abortion is a perfectly fine way to solve the problem of not wanting to be pregnant. And that taxpayers should be ok with paying for abortions, since if a poor woman can't afford an abortion, how is she going to afford to care for a child? It's ultimately cheaper to the taxpayer to cover the abortion than to cover welfare/assistance for the baby. WHAT THE HELL kind of logic is that? And HOW THE HELL is this related to literature? And then one girl in the class said something about "those really religious people" who oppose abortion and I about came undone. Does having faith negate my credibility? So if I go to church and practice my faith, that means I'm just some fringe kook with nothing worthwhile to say? OMG. I remember believing differently when I was 20 than I do now, and much of what I thought then was stupid. But holy crap. This is our future? These are the future leaders of this country? Oy vey. And it isn't just the abortion thing, I listen to them talk and it seems clear to me that they just don't know much about the way the world works. They are so young and so...me me me. They shout down anyone who disagrees with them, and cannot or will not consider that any other viewpoint MIGHT have some validity. That drives me nuts.
The following week I refused to open my mouth even once. I could tell that the professor was getting irritated with me and just wanted me to shut up....every time I said something, he blew it off and moved on as quickly as he could, and he made me wait till last to speak, every time I had a comment. I don't like this class at all.
I have senioritis SO. BAD. I cannot adequately express how very much I want to be finished with school. But I was talking to a friend of mine last night and she was encouraging me to reconsider going to law school. She's an attorney and she offered to do anything she could to help me get into law school and said she'd help me out. I wrote off law school a long time ago, and found a new pursuit, but now....I'm just thinking. We were also at the bottom of a couple of bottles of wine, at least, but I'm sure that doesn't have anything to do with anything.
And my favorite professor has nominated me for an award at school! That was a great surprise, put a big smile on my face and made me feel really good. I will find out in April if I am among the finalists.
I guess that about catches me up. I've been sick, in school, and hanging out with the husband and the kids. The husband has been on call all of January, and all of February, and just today got called out for the first time in six weeks. Neither of us was unhappy that he went out today, and he'll be back in a couple of days. It was time for him to go out. Maybe it sounds bad but when you are used to your partner being gone for a few days on a regular basis, and then he's home for six weeks in a row, well, there is such a thing as spending TOO much time together. Now I have to get my sick and tired butt and get some stuff done around here!
11 January 2009
A great read
I just finished reading a book that was recommended by my very good friend Rachael, and it was so good I felt compelled to write a little bit about it. Not that my little corner of cyberspace gets all that much traffic but still, you just never know.
The book is called "The Shack." It even has its own website, www.theshackbook.com.
I plan to buy several more copies and give them to people to read and then pass on. I think everyone should read this book. It's a religious book of sorts, but maybe that isn't the best word to describe it. It's a spiritual book. You don't have to be Christian, or Jewish, or Catholic, or Protestant, or Buddhist, or Hindu, or a Muslim to get something out of it. I'd be willing to bet that an atheist could get something from reading this book.
Without giving the plot away, I will say that it is about a man who suffers a great tragedy in his life and how he comes to know God better than he ever thought anyone could, as a result. It made me think about how I think about God: who is He, what would He look like, what kinds of things would He say to me if I had the chance to ask Him questions? I'm a devout Catholic but I also have questions, things I wonder about, things I question and have a hard time understanding or believing. I completely reject the notion that doubts or questions mean that your faith is weak. I have a dear friend who is a spiritual director who helped me to see that it is the truly faithful who question, who seek to understand more fully. In the past, I always thought that it was a sin to question, and I was going to hell if I harbored any doubts about anything I was taught to believe. And God KNOWS if you doubt Him, so don't even consider it! That was part of my fundamental upbringing, and I've learned a thing or two since then. Back then, I was introduced to the Old Testament God who sent plagues and turned people into pillars of salt for their sins.
I believe that God is benevolent and loving and forgiving. I don't believe He is looking to nitpick all of our shortcomings and our sins. He knows we're human and we will always fall. That's the way He made us; of course He knows that. He doesn't really expect us to do as Jesus did, or act as Jesus did. We can't; we're not Jesus. He wants us to love one another. That's it. It sounds pretty simple, but we make *love* so much more complicated than it has to be. All of the bad things that have happened throughout history, where people have done such horrible wrongs to others and committed unspeakable crimes, have come not because God chose it for us, or because He failed to intervene, but they have come about as a result of the gift of free will. God lets us choose. And He, better than anyone, understands that we must experience the consequences of our choices (free will) if we are to learn anything.
I hope that kinds of things I read in "The Shack" are true, or that they are even in the same ballpark. I wonder where the author's ideas and inspiration came from. It's a beautiful story of forgiveness, hope, redemption and most importantly, of love.
Check it out. It's worth the time. www.theshackbook.com
The book is called "The Shack." It even has its own website, www.theshackbook.com.
I plan to buy several more copies and give them to people to read and then pass on. I think everyone should read this book. It's a religious book of sorts, but maybe that isn't the best word to describe it. It's a spiritual book. You don't have to be Christian, or Jewish, or Catholic, or Protestant, or Buddhist, or Hindu, or a Muslim to get something out of it. I'd be willing to bet that an atheist could get something from reading this book.
Without giving the plot away, I will say that it is about a man who suffers a great tragedy in his life and how he comes to know God better than he ever thought anyone could, as a result. It made me think about how I think about God: who is He, what would He look like, what kinds of things would He say to me if I had the chance to ask Him questions? I'm a devout Catholic but I also have questions, things I wonder about, things I question and have a hard time understanding or believing. I completely reject the notion that doubts or questions mean that your faith is weak. I have a dear friend who is a spiritual director who helped me to see that it is the truly faithful who question, who seek to understand more fully. In the past, I always thought that it was a sin to question, and I was going to hell if I harbored any doubts about anything I was taught to believe. And God KNOWS if you doubt Him, so don't even consider it! That was part of my fundamental upbringing, and I've learned a thing or two since then. Back then, I was introduced to the Old Testament God who sent plagues and turned people into pillars of salt for their sins.
I believe that God is benevolent and loving and forgiving. I don't believe He is looking to nitpick all of our shortcomings and our sins. He knows we're human and we will always fall. That's the way He made us; of course He knows that. He doesn't really expect us to do as Jesus did, or act as Jesus did. We can't; we're not Jesus. He wants us to love one another. That's it. It sounds pretty simple, but we make *love* so much more complicated than it has to be. All of the bad things that have happened throughout history, where people have done such horrible wrongs to others and committed unspeakable crimes, have come not because God chose it for us, or because He failed to intervene, but they have come about as a result of the gift of free will. God lets us choose. And He, better than anyone, understands that we must experience the consequences of our choices (free will) if we are to learn anything.
I hope that kinds of things I read in "The Shack" are true, or that they are even in the same ballpark. I wonder where the author's ideas and inspiration came from. It's a beautiful story of forgiveness, hope, redemption and most importantly, of love.
Check it out. It's worth the time. www.theshackbook.com
26 December 2008
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Lots of stuff going on around here lately. Holiday insanity, end of the quarter late night studying and writing, a freelance assignment and just general chaos.
Christmas was ok at our house this year. Yeah, just ok. The spousal unit had to work, which sucked. Yes, I'm grateful he has a good job to go to, but he's paid his dues for the last twenty years, and worked lots of holidays past. I'm just bummed that he got stuck flying Thanksgiving, Christmas AND New Year's this year. Blah. The older two offspring were both not with us this year....L had to work (welcome to being a responsible grownup but still no fun), B is stationed half a world away and came home for Thanksgiving, so Christmas was out of the question. So it just wasn't the same. But the kiddies were happy with their holidays....they got a two week break from school, and we've been having a good time. We still got to spend Christmas Eve with Dad (he flew out early Christmas morning) and Christmas day with family, and they were happy with their loot. So, all in all, it was still good.
The end of the quarter. I will be so glad to be done with school. I'm a senior now, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I did well in History...I had my favorite professor but I worked hard. I usually get good grades from him but he really makes me work for it. Good teacher :) Econ was a surprise. I didn't think I'd do all that well because it was really hard for me and I don't feel like I learned as much as I would have liked to. But I came away with a B+ so I am thrilled with that.
I had a freelance assignment due this week, and I managed to get it in, mostly on time. My deadline was Friday the 19th, but my editor let me know that she had a bit of "wiggle room," and I took advantage of it this time. I submitted on Monday the 22nd and all is well.
The kiddies are in the other room playing with their new games and watching a movie. It's 2:00 pm and we're all still in our jammies. The day after Christmas is just one of those days when it is wonderful to NOT go anywhere or do anything. We slept late, stayed in our jammies, and didn't even go outside, at least not yet. I suppose I'll probably go out to get the mail but that's it. The husband will be back late tonight, and tomorrow we'll be back to going out doing things, but for today it's nice to just hang out at home. The little dudes got some Christmas money that is burning a hole in their pockets and they can hardly wait to go out and spend it. I'm making them save a bit of it though, mean mom that I am.
As for New Year's....I always make resolutions. It gives me hope. But they're generally pretty open-ended and not specific, so I don't feel like a failure if I haven't dropped 20 pounds by March. I want to: continue to make my faith an ever bigger priority and set a good example for my kids, continue to make my fitness a priority and work towards losing a few pounds and training for a few races, work on getting my impulse spending under control (I am SO BAD), continue educating myself so I can be an advocate for my firstborn and help him cope with his ADHD issue, spend less time futzing around and wasting time online (such a time stealer!) and just generally try to be a better person than I was yesterday. These are the things I work on all the time, but New Year's is as good a time as any to recommit to it.
The little dudes and I will stay up till midnight and probably watch a movie, then watch the ball drop.
Here's hoping and praying that 2009 will be a better year than 2008 was, that our country can begin to turn the downward spiral around (in more ways than one), that our world might become more peaceful and less scary, and that people can treat each other with dignity and respect. Peace, love and prosperity for all. Naive little optimist, aren't I? :)
Christmas was ok at our house this year. Yeah, just ok. The spousal unit had to work, which sucked. Yes, I'm grateful he has a good job to go to, but he's paid his dues for the last twenty years, and worked lots of holidays past. I'm just bummed that he got stuck flying Thanksgiving, Christmas AND New Year's this year. Blah. The older two offspring were both not with us this year....L had to work (welcome to being a responsible grownup but still no fun), B is stationed half a world away and came home for Thanksgiving, so Christmas was out of the question. So it just wasn't the same. But the kiddies were happy with their holidays....they got a two week break from school, and we've been having a good time. We still got to spend Christmas Eve with Dad (he flew out early Christmas morning) and Christmas day with family, and they were happy with their loot. So, all in all, it was still good.
The end of the quarter. I will be so glad to be done with school. I'm a senior now, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I did well in History...I had my favorite professor but I worked hard. I usually get good grades from him but he really makes me work for it. Good teacher :) Econ was a surprise. I didn't think I'd do all that well because it was really hard for me and I don't feel like I learned as much as I would have liked to. But I came away with a B+ so I am thrilled with that.
I had a freelance assignment due this week, and I managed to get it in, mostly on time. My deadline was Friday the 19th, but my editor let me know that she had a bit of "wiggle room," and I took advantage of it this time. I submitted on Monday the 22nd and all is well.
The kiddies are in the other room playing with their new games and watching a movie. It's 2:00 pm and we're all still in our jammies. The day after Christmas is just one of those days when it is wonderful to NOT go anywhere or do anything. We slept late, stayed in our jammies, and didn't even go outside, at least not yet. I suppose I'll probably go out to get the mail but that's it. The husband will be back late tonight, and tomorrow we'll be back to going out doing things, but for today it's nice to just hang out at home. The little dudes got some Christmas money that is burning a hole in their pockets and they can hardly wait to go out and spend it. I'm making them save a bit of it though, mean mom that I am.
As for New Year's....I always make resolutions. It gives me hope. But they're generally pretty open-ended and not specific, so I don't feel like a failure if I haven't dropped 20 pounds by March. I want to: continue to make my faith an ever bigger priority and set a good example for my kids, continue to make my fitness a priority and work towards losing a few pounds and training for a few races, work on getting my impulse spending under control (I am SO BAD), continue educating myself so I can be an advocate for my firstborn and help him cope with his ADHD issue, spend less time futzing around and wasting time online (such a time stealer!) and just generally try to be a better person than I was yesterday. These are the things I work on all the time, but New Year's is as good a time as any to recommit to it.
The little dudes and I will stay up till midnight and probably watch a movie, then watch the ball drop.
Here's hoping and praying that 2009 will be a better year than 2008 was, that our country can begin to turn the downward spiral around (in more ways than one), that our world might become more peaceful and less scary, and that people can treat each other with dignity and respect. Peace, love and prosperity for all. Naive little optimist, aren't I? :)
01 December 2008
Reliving high school
No, maybe I should call it "reliving middle school' because that is about as mature as this stupid mess is.
Somehow, because I chose the wrong person to confide in, and she in turn felt free to share my personal pain with half of the world and I've become neighborhood gossip, I seem to have lost some friends. It's a giant case of "she said, she said," and I'm really only indirectly involved. I confided in someone who I thought was a good friend, and she obviously didn't have those same thoughts about me. So she told two friends, and they told two friends, and they....
So. People know this really private information about me from the worst time of my life, and somehow I'M the bad guy. Without going into excruciatingly boring detail that is too complicated for daytime TV, I have lost the confidence betrayer (not much of a loss, but it still sucked to find out that she was not my friend), the confidence betrayer's sister (who was also a good friend, or so I thought) and the one that is killing me, and confusing me the most, is my neighbor and someone I truly thought of as a dear, dear friend, C. I cannot for the life of me figure out why C is not talking to me. I know how she is involved in the entire mess, but I cannot draw the line from point A (the situation) to point B (being upset enough with me to stop speaking to me).
I've known C for six or seven years. I tried to be a friend and be there for her through different things....when her oldest son wanted to join the military, I talked with him, and drove him to see his recruiter when she couldn't, talked to her, hugged her and cried with her when her husband was diagnosed with cancer, cried with her when he passed, ran interference for her when her younger son flirted with the military and she was afraid he was about to be taken in by an unscrupulous recruiter, encouraged my husband to buy her husband's motorcycle after he died, because she couldn't stand to look at it in her garage and she needed the money......not because I am SuperFriend, but because I love her and I am her friend. And now, because of some mean spirited talk, she isn't returning my emails or my calls.
Girls can be so mean to each other.
Somehow, because I chose the wrong person to confide in, and she in turn felt free to share my personal pain with half of the world and I've become neighborhood gossip, I seem to have lost some friends. It's a giant case of "she said, she said," and I'm really only indirectly involved. I confided in someone who I thought was a good friend, and she obviously didn't have those same thoughts about me. So she told two friends, and they told two friends, and they....
So. People know this really private information about me from the worst time of my life, and somehow I'M the bad guy. Without going into excruciatingly boring detail that is too complicated for daytime TV, I have lost the confidence betrayer (not much of a loss, but it still sucked to find out that she was not my friend), the confidence betrayer's sister (who was also a good friend, or so I thought) and the one that is killing me, and confusing me the most, is my neighbor and someone I truly thought of as a dear, dear friend, C. I cannot for the life of me figure out why C is not talking to me. I know how she is involved in the entire mess, but I cannot draw the line from point A (the situation) to point B (being upset enough with me to stop speaking to me).
I've known C for six or seven years. I tried to be a friend and be there for her through different things....when her oldest son wanted to join the military, I talked with him, and drove him to see his recruiter when she couldn't, talked to her, hugged her and cried with her when her husband was diagnosed with cancer, cried with her when he passed, ran interference for her when her younger son flirted with the military and she was afraid he was about to be taken in by an unscrupulous recruiter, encouraged my husband to buy her husband's motorcycle after he died, because she couldn't stand to look at it in her garage and she needed the money......not because I am SuperFriend, but because I love her and I am her friend. And now, because of some mean spirited talk, she isn't returning my emails or my calls.
Girls can be so mean to each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)